wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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