woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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