I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
