I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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