I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
