I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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