You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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