like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're like the curious george of whores
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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