Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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