Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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