This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
