she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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