Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
