So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
