I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
