normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
