u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
