It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
