I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
