come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
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I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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