I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
