Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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