he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
