...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
