her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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