Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
