Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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