what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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