Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
