I'm going to jail i love you
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
