u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
