I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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