woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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