Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
