my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
