is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
