i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Alive.
So much puke
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
