Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
