I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
