Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
