He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
