I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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