my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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