I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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