she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
