let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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