your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
