Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
