Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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