the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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