Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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