Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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