guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
