She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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