I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
