He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
