the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
