So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
