Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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