Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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