whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
