then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she pinky promised me she was 18
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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