dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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