if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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