My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
