watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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