so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
