If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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