i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
