The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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