Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
