We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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