i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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