even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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