I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
