Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
