I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
